Typical Nerd

A Bad Poem, by me.

Have you ever crossed the sinister thought;

that your life only leaves people wretched and wrought?

Maybe the world would be a better place if you didn’t inhabit it;

that you’re just a gear that simply doesn’t fit?

When every word you form

causes spite and scorn;

You cause more pain than good

you hurt more than you should.

You’re the bane of humanity,

the despicable douche;

You cause hysteria, insanity

and anger, profuse.

You mean no harm

but cause it you do.

You’re perceived as smarm,

though your intentions are true.

Anonymous asked: LOL! #YOLO

Lies, I’ve died many times.

p.s. you’re cute

I feel overwhelmed in every sense of the word.  I can’t pay attention in school and in certain classes I’ve just given up trying, I have no idea what I’m going to do in the future, I feel completely socially retarded as no one understands my humor making me come off as an arrogant prick, which is a bit ironic considering the mountain of insecurities I have, and I have barely any friends, it seems no matter how hard I try to be nice to people they’re just harsh back.  I can feel a giant ball in my chest that’s constantly throbbing with agonizing pain.  I barely truly enjoy anything anymore and the things I do enjoy aren’t readily available.  I just lay around thinking these things and convincing, or attempting to convince, myself that things will get better or that I’ll change it, but I never do.  I can never get myself to do anything and that’s what makes it even more frustrating, because it’s all my fault.  I have nothing else to blame for anything of these things.  I mean I have a few psychological disorders but they’re nothing other people haven’t beaten.  I’m not half as smart as people think I am and I’m twice as lazy.  I’m doomed to the inevitability that is not living up to any sort of personal goals I’ve set for myself, and I know it.  I think about it all the time.  The anxiety spike (around 3 panic attacks last weekend alone) I’ve been suffering through have mainly been because of this.  Me just sitting around doing nothing when my brain happens to think of what I want to do.  I want to be a writer, but I’m too lazy and apathetic to do it.  Wait, I’m not apathetic at all.  I obviously care, just not enough to overcome my laziness.  I feel like menial jobs or anything involving manual labor isn’t suited for me, either.  I’m not insulting those with those jobs.  You’re what keeps a country running.  I’m just saying that I can’t do it.  I would have even more time to myself to think and this time I might freak out somewhere you don’t need to be freaking out.  I’m not really sure how to change myself.  I mean there are obvious things I could do but I’m clearly not willing to.  I don’t think anyone really cares either.  Maybe three people will actually read this and none will truly care, and I don’t blame them.  It’s nothing to care about.  It’s just the bitching of a lazy first world 17 year old twat.  I’ve even been too lazy to write this, this.  This measly text wall that has flown from my fingers effortlessly,  requiring little to no actual thought, but I just didn’t have the energy to open the add text thing.  That’s the thing with my form of laziness.  When I’m not doing anything I do nothing, but when I finally take an initiative to do something I will do almost anything.  The one time I’ve done my homework this year I also filled pages upon pages in my now-discarded notebook and cleaned my room.  I did everything that was on my agenda that day and more, but just getting myself to do something is borderline impossible.  I’ve known this for awhile but I still can’t find motivation for anything.  I could type more but frankly my fingers are hurting and my laptop is far too hot right now.  On the plus side, I’m going to see The Avengers tonight so hopefully that doesn’t suck, but who am I kidding.  I won’t like it.  It’s a modern action movie, I’m sure it will be generic and terrible, but who knows, maybe there will actually be a story or some character progression.  Though I highly doubt it.

update: Avengers was actually pretty good, I was wrong

Why can no one trust me? What inconcievably vile thing have I done to harbor such aggressive speculation? I simply don’t get it. I’m not allowed to go to an abandoned gas station for a hour or two so I can calm myself down? Why!? I’ve never done anything wrong to deserve this treatment. I feel like I’m having a heart attack, my skin is vibrating, my brain won’t fuck off, and I can’t even attempt to stop it because they think I’m trying to get meth. The only thing that even moderately helps is stabbing myself with a key and writing this, but this frustrates me just as much sometimes because I’m thinking so fast I forget words or skip words. I have to edit it as I go while I get angry with myself for being so fucked up. I can’t given a minute to myself either. I’m freaking out I don’t need your dumbass ramblings on the fucking situation. I know what’s happening, fuck off.

The worst thing about mornings is looking at yourself in the mirror.

Internet Censorship and Ethics

Ethics are not a rigid template that all humans share. Due to that quandary alone it is clear that personal ethics should have no dominion over anyone else, because they may not share them; there are some obvious exceptions like murder or rape, but I’m zoning in more on ethical issues that have no direct victim. Such as: prostitution, GLBT marriage, porn, and many others. One of them being the internet and whether it should be censored. I think that the internet should remain the only surviving outlet of free speech, uncensored and unmonitored. Considering how watered down television, music, movies, and virtually any other creative outlet I can concieve of has become due to censoring; I think we need the internet. The internet is a place without rules, where anyone can say or do anything they want whilst remaining anonymous and not restricting anyone elses freedom to do the same. I think everywhere should be like the internet, and I believe that if this were the case our country would be a much more intellectually free environment, but I understand why some of that is needed, you know, 4 tha cheeldren. Because if kids know too much or are too curious then that’s a bad thing, I mean, what if they start questioning things? We wouldn’t want that. But I digress. As little free-thought that is allowed in our country, the internet doesn’t need to coincide.

tl;dr Morals should remain personal in life and on the internet.